Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
