Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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