It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
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The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
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I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize