would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
