dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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