Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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