i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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