according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
