Im at strip club and am horny
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Farmville is her only friend.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
