lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
