Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
her vagine was all disorganized.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
