I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
