Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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