He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so let's talk penis.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So vagazzling was a success
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
