apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
