Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
