I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
