I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
