Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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