Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
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You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I stole a fireplace last night.
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I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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