did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
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How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
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I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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