why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
