Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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