Don't make out with my wife yet
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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