You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
