I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
