hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
