ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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