Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
