Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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