OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
