I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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