grandma shit on top of the toilet
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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