In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
thus making me awesome and them whores
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize