Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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