Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
