So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
