I molested 6 butterflies tonight
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
worst night to have a conscience
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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