***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
