Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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