Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
