weddingsv make me drug and hornr
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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