And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
