We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
