So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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