I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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