Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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