someone owes me an orgasm
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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