guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
