carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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