My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
