I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
