I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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