it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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