I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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