I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
