I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
