sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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