i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
