i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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