Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
