this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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