she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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