i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
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Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
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you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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