I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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