I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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