I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
