dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
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I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
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At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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