saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
