no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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