I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
