i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You left your phone here
Wait...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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