first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
