Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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