If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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