She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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