Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
