after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He had one of those small greek statue penises
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
