I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
